Eff

I texted him that I had his stuff at my house.  And he responded.  Now he is coming to get it Sunday.  I'm an idiot.  Yes, I know I am an idiot.  I am not sure that this knowledge makes me more or less of one...or if there is only one solid way to be an idiot to begin with.  Either way, I am an idiot.

But today - I feel happy.  Ok, if not happy...at least hopeful.  I went to an Al-Anon meeting last night.  I found hope there.  I listened to some music.  I found hope there.  Everywhere I turn, there seems to be a little more hope coming.

Now, I am not fool enough to believe that this feeling will last.  I am sure I will drop to the pits of despair and desperation many, many times before this cycle is over.  But for now, for this moment, I am enjoying my hope.  I am allowing it to settle over me like a light mist, gently covering every exposed nerve and emotion I have on display.